Getting into a new relationship can be both exciting and frightening. It’s uncharted territory with this new person who you’ve committed to getting to know and growing with.
From my experience, getting into a relationship with Matthew was easy. It felt right, I knew he was right and I wanted more than anything to be his.
A couple months down the road, I started having internal fears about the relationship. I was self-sabotaging myself because I had never been in a supportive, loving relationship like the one Matthew and I was creating together.
I was scared to fall because I was scared of the chance of feeling broken again. But, through a lot of processing and conversations with Matthew, I’ve stopped having those cruel and wicked thoughts. Instead, on a daily basis, I feel SO grateful and thankful for Matthew, my friendship with him and having a partner who is my biggest supporter.
I’m currently reading The 5 Love Languages book and I couldn’t recommend it more. I’m looking at love, relationships and communication with open eyes, open ears and an open heart. This book is influencing my life in more ways than I can explain.
I wanted to share with you 3 things that happen when you get into a loving relationship.
If you’ve experienced a negative, toxic relationship before you will know the feeling of being torn down all too well.
I don’t think anyone should experience a relationship where you’re broken and forget who you are. Instead, it’s time to feel lifted up, supported and loved.
Being in a good relationship will give you those feelings. I should point out, you do not need to be in a relationship to feel lifted up, supported and loved. This is just my experience after finally finding myself in a positive relationship.
Every morning I wake up and I look forward to seeing Matthew. He supports my wildest dreams, he says yes to date night ideas I want to do, he cooks me delicious meals, he’s a shoulder to cry on and he’s a provider of solutions for my problems.
You trust again
Trust is the almighty thing needed in a successful relationship. You need to trust your partner and your partner needs to trust you. Without trust, a relationship will eventually break causing heavy brokenheartedness.
But trusting is easier said than done if you’ve been part of a toxic relationship. Whether you were lied to, cheated on or abused, trust probably left at the same time as your emotions.
If I can tell you anything during this blog post is that Trust Comes Back. Bigger and Better. It may take a while, it may be quite the process but when it comes back, you will have this feeling inside you and that’s called security and safety.
I had to work my way up to trust Matthew and allow my walls to be broken down by him. I was constantly fearful that he was going to leave me or that he was talking to or seeing other people behind my back. I didn’t think these things because that’s the type of person he is (because he’s the absolute most loving man I’ve met) but because of my past relationships and the effect they had on me.
I haven’t been a saint in all my relationships, I will be the first to admit that, but being so heavily cheated on by several boyfriends resulted in a concrete wall being built around my heart.
But once I realized that just because I was in a relationship with Matthew, didn’t mean it would end the same way my past relationships did (aiming for it not to ever end). I could trust his words because his actions were showing me that I was the one. The one he wanted to text in the morning. The one he wanted to cook dinner for. The one he wanted his family to meet. The one we wanted to be with.
Eventually with these actions being brought to the table and my inner self-acceptance of allowing myself to be in a good relationship, my walls fell down. I wasn’t going to self-sabotage this relationship. I was going to trust Matthew and I was going to build the most beautiful relationship there could be with this man who gave me his heart.
You learn what love is meant to feel like
Yes, this is the feeling you’re supposed to have. It’s supposed to feel like your heart is 2 sizes too big and you could burst from happiness at any moment.
You’re supposed to feel like your partner has your back and wants to help you accomplish all your dreams and goals.
You’re supposed to feel safe, secure and understood.
Love is all of these things but it’s also a lot more.
It’s the feeling of coming home to your partner and being able to take your bra off, put sweats on and not feel self-conscious. It’s the feeling of acceptance when I don’t wear makeup and I’m told I look even more beautiful without it.
It’s the feeling of needing someone to vent to, cry to and talk it out with. Love is being a shoulder to cry on and be comfortable being the one crying. Love is wiping those tears away, getting handed a mint aero chocolate bar and discussing the solution to what was making you feel so empty.
I’ve never felt that kind of love until I met Matthew.
So, while I’m young, I’m so happy to have found Matthew because he’s shown me what a real man is like in a relationship. One who pursues his goals, career and social life while still pursuing me and our relationship.
I look up to Matthew for so many things. He’s shown me what it looks like to be a leader, a career person and someone who isn’t afraid of what life has ahead. He’s also shown me how to focus on each day and not too far in the future. (I’m still actively working on this one because I tend to obsess over the future)
Matthew has a kind heart but he is also strong and the feeling of safety I feel when he takes my hand to lead me is something I never want to have taken from me.
Love isn’t easy but it’s worth it.
I had to go through my fair share of horrible, toxic relationships to make me open and able to have a loving relationship like the one I have now.
If you’re not at this stage and are still struggling with the idea of loving again, my advice to you is to be single. Pursue yourself. Pursue your dreams, goals, and aspirations and take the time to work towards those.
My season of singleness helped shape the woman I am today. During that time I wrote two lists. One list of everything I want to be when I get into a good relationship and everything I wanted my partner to be when I found him.
I’m happy to say both of those lists were completely checked off when Matthew and I met at Bean Scene on Bernard.